How to Stop Caring What Others Think, and Start Living Like You Actually Know Who You Are

Most people who ask me how to stop caring what others think usually assume it’s a mindset trick—like snapping a rubber band on your wrist and chanting mantras. But I remember this one guy—let’s call him Matt—from a private mentoring session. Smart. Grounded. Still tortured by the idea that someone might not like him.

What unraveled him had nothing to do with logic—and everything to do with identity. I’ll tell you more about Matt later, because his breakthrough might just change yours.

If people’s opinions are draining your power, you’ll also want to read this guide on confidence and self esteem.

Top Takeaways

Before we go further, here are 5 unexpected truths about caring less what others think—you’ll carry these for life.

• False identity trap: You’re not overreacting—people-pleasing often stems from clinging to a fake version of yourself.
• Self-consciousness = self-avoidance: If you’re always worried about how you’re seen, it’s a sign you don’t know yourself yet.
• Lack of self-love is learned: We didn’t come into the world hating ourselves—someone, somewhere taught us it was safer that way.
• Micro-betrayals kill identity: In my personal take, not ordering spicy ramen became a metaphor for the silent ways we shrink daily.
• What you judge is your mirror: Most criticism reflects others’ fears—not your truth; clarity beats thicker skin every time.

“Become a lion” by looking inside yourself.

Osho says that learning how to stop caring what others think of you begins with one radical move—looking inward instead of out. He believed you shouldn’t care what other people think about you, because doing so keeps you trapped in someone else’s illusion.

“There’s nothing anyone can say about you. What people say is always about them. But you become very unsteady because you are still holding on to a false center. This false center is based on what other people think of you, so you are always looking at what other people say about you. And you’re always trying to please other people, because you’re always trying to do what they want.

You’re always trying to be good, and you’re always trying to make yourself look good. This will kill you. Instead of being upset by what other people say, you should look inside yourself…

“When you’re self-conscious, it just shows that you’re not aware of yourself at all. You have no idea what you are. If you had known, there wouldn’t have been a problem. If you already know, then you don’t need other people’s opinions. Then you won’t care what other people say about you, because it doesn’t matter!”

“You’re in trouble when you’re self-conscious. Self-consciousness is a sign that you don’t know who you are. “The fact that you are worried about yourself shows that you haven’t come home yet.”

“The biggest fear in the world is what other people think of you. And as soon as you stop being afraid of the crowd, you stop being a sheep and start being a lion. Your heart fills with a great roar, the roar of freedom.”

Osho

We stay stuck because we forget that confident people never stress over opinions that don’t align with who they truly are.

Why You Should Start Loving Yourself

Osho says that you need to love yourself. And when you learn to love yourself—and develop confidence-building habits—you stop caring what other people think and your self-growth skyrockets.

“Love and respect yourself, and never, ever give in. Then, you’ll be surprised by how much growth happens on its own… as if rocks had been taken out and the river began to flow.”

But Osho says it’s hard to love ourselves because we haven’t learned to accept who we really are:

“Accept yourself,” says Lao Tzu. All problems start with people who won’t accept others. We don’t like ourselves. The more a person doesn’t like himself, the more others see him as a mahatma. We’re often the worst enemy we have—sometimes through obvious behaviors, other times through subtle self-sabotage we’ve been taught to normalize.

Osho says this has a lot to do with our ego because it makes us feel empty:

“Always remember that whatever the personality brags about is the exact opposite of what you know to be true. If you feel stupid on the inside, your personality will show that you are smart. If you feel unloving on the inside, your personality will make you seem very sweet, happy, and loving.

It’s not just to trick other people; it’s mostly to trick yourself. You want to forget how mean you were. If you feel empty on the inside, your personality will start collecting a million things.

A lot of what we call more likable behavior is actually just a desperate attempt to hide the parts we haven’t accepted yet.

The Mirror Rule: What You See in Others Is Often What You’ve Rejected in Yourself

Here’s something I wish someone had told me earlier:
Most of the time, the judgments that wreck us aren’t even about us. They’re projections. Reflections. Echoes…

We let fear of confrontation stop us from speaking our truth—and end up abandoning ourselves in the process.

I call it the Mirror Rule.
If someone criticizes your ambition, it’s likely because they gave up on theirs.
If they mock your sensitivity, they’ve probably been taught to bury their own.
And if they shame your authenticity, they’re scared of their own truth showing.

Once you see this, it changes everything.

Back when I lived in Singapore, I remember walking into a pitch meeting—wearing a crisp indigo shirt I loved. One guy sneered and asked if I “got lost on the way to a fashion shoot.” For five seconds, I shrank. Then I noticed… his whole vibe was grayscale. His slides. His suit. His personality.

That moment taught me something wild about natural charisma—it doesn’t come from approval, it comes from presence. That comment wasn’t about me—it was about his discomfort with color.

Literally and metaphorically.

Figuring out how to stop caring what others think doesn’t require thicker skin. It requires sharper vision—so you can finally see what’s yours, and what’s their projection.

Tip: Every time a comment stings, pause and ask: Is this really mine—or their mirror talking?

So, the question is, how do we let go of the ego?

Osho says that we can get rid of our egos by meditating:

“Love will find you on its own if you meditate and slowly, slowly get out of your ego and personality and into your real self. You don’t have to do anything, because it just happens on its own. But it can only grow in a certain setting, which I call meditation.

When you’re in a state of silence, with no thoughts, no disturbances inside, and complete clarity, peace, and quiet, all of a sudden you’ll notice that thousands of flowers have opened inside you, and their scent is love.

First, you’ll love yourself, since that’s the first person you’ll meet. First, you’ll notice the scent that’s coming up in you, the light that’s been born in you, and the happiness that’s pouring over you. Then love will be a part of you. Then you’ll love many people, and then you’ll love everyone.”

Meditation can be done in a lot of different ways. But Osho says that the best way to meditate is to become a “observer of the mind.”

He tells them how to do it.

Become the Observer, Not the Mind

“To start meditating, you have to be separate from your mind. That’s the only way to get away from something. If you look at the light, one thing is clear: you are not the light. You are the one looking at it. If you’re watching the flowers, there’s one thing you know for sure: you’re not the flower, you’re the one watching.”

“The key to meditation is to watch:

“Watch what you think.

“Don’t do anything. Don’t repeat a mantra or the name of God. Just watch what your mind is doing. Don’t stop it, stop it from happening, or try to stop it. Don’t do anything at all. You just watch, and the miracle of that is that it helps you meditate. As you watch, your mind slowly stops thinking, but you’re not falling asleep. Instead, you’re becoming more awake and aware.

“When your mind is completely empty, your whole energy is on fire with awakening. Meditation has brought about this flame. So, you could say that meditation is another word for watching, witnessing, or observing something without judging or evaluating it. Just watching takes you out of your mind right away.”

My Take

Matt—obviously not his real name—came to me for mentoring after a brutal fallout with a friend. He wasn’t seeking advice. He was seeking permission to stop editing himself just to be liked. What broke him wasn’t the fight. It was the way he replayed every sentence in his head for days, wondering if he sounded “too much,” “too intense,” or “not enough.”

I asked him one thing: “When did your truth start becoming a liability?”

We traced it back—years of “toning down” who he was to fit other people’s comfort zones. Work. Dating. Even his wardrobe. The moment that hit hardest? When he realized he never ordered the spicy ramen he loved on first dates—because someone once said sweating at dinner looked “gross.”

That’s the kind of micro betrayal that erodes your selfhood.

If you’re serious about figuring out how to stop caring what others think, start by noticing the tiny moments you abandon yourself. That’s where Matt began. That’s where I began, too.

And maybe—just maybe—that’s where you can begin.