Why Men Pull Away: 15 Reasons He Started Avoiding You

You could have the most amazing relationship in the world one day and then, in the blink of an eye, feel like your man is nothing more than a stranger the next.

Does this sound familiar?

Many women (and men) in relationships with men have problems like this at least once in their lives, when the man abruptly withdraws emotionally and pulls back.

So, what exactly causes men to pull away?

What is it about them or you that makes them want to distance themselves? Is it due to his emotional incapacity?

The answers may differ from what you expect.

Continue reading to find out why the person you like may be drifting away from you and what you can do about it.

If you’re curious about the art of attracting the right man into your life, be sure to also check out the article we dedicated to how to get a man to chase you.

When he pulls away, what does it mean?

Pulling away from a man can take several forms.

For some, it may feel like a step back. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship with the person for a long and they seem “remote,” as in they’re short with you, it seems awkward when you’re together, and so on.

For others, the male may withdraw during the early phases of a relationship, especially if he is emotionally unavailable. This is typically when you get ghosted. This means they no longer interact with you.

There will be no texts, snaps, DMs, or anything else. They vanish without a trace. You may contact them several times and receive no response each time.

The individual who is pulling away is attempting to isolate themselves from you.

Learn more about how a 4-word text may transform your relationship.

Men pull away for 15 reasons

When a guy draws away, he may cease replying as fast, fail to follow through on plans, or simply stop talking to you.

Whatever the cause, you’re undoubtedly confused about what’s going on.

Are they occupied?

Pulling away can occur for a variety of reasons. You believe everything is OK one day and then you’re lost the next.

Perhaps you’re exaggerating, or perhaps they’re just trying to get away from you.

The real question, though, is why they do it. Here are 15 of the most typical reasons why a man may be drifting away from you.

You may like: The 8 non-obvious reasons why he’s distant but still texting.

1) His emotions frighten or make him uncomfortable.

Your feelings: What you think about it: This is the best relationship you’ve ever had. You’re experiencing levels of affection and camaraderie you’ve never felt before, and you’re loving every minute of it.

Sure, it’s not always the best – there are disagreements and disputes, as there are in all relationships – but you just know you’ve finally discovered “the real thing,” and you want to do everything you can to keep it.

His feelings: this is the best relationship he’s ever had, and for the first time in his life, he’s finally found a partner who is willing to give him the unconditional love he knows he deserves.

But, despite his feelings for her, he is moving away out of fear. These new sentiments are just that: new, and he has no idea how to cope with them.

Most men like to feel in control of their lives, with as little surprise or unknown circumstances as possible.

The more your relationship expands and evolves into unknown area, the more frightening the sensations associated with it become.

So he tries to ease away because, while he loves you as much as you love him, the truth of that love isn’t something he’s sure he wants to deal with.

He needs time to comprehend what this entails and to determine whether he is truly prepared for these adjustments and commitments.

How to fix or assist him: Ask him what’s wrong and allow him time to adjust. If he needs to take things slowly, consider whether you are willing to wait for him to adjust and become accustomed to this new chapter in his life.

Hold his hand during the procedure to demonstrate that you are not going to leave or abandon him, and that the “positive feelings” aren’t just a passing fad.

Help him become the type of partner he knows he wants to be but is hesitant to try because he hasn’t done it before.

2) You make him feel unimportant.

Your feelings: As a woman, you’ve been taught that men must work for it. You care deeply for this man, but you’re afraid that being too upfront about your feelings may cause him to take you for granted.

Instead of expressing your true feelings, you make it a point to demonstrate that he doesn’t have you on the hook: messages are responded late, calls are rarely returned, and invitations are turned down or rarely accepted.

How he feels about it: You’ve done such a fantastic job pretending you don’t like him that he genuinely believes it.

This man is pulling away because he believes you’re simply uninterested in him and that any further efforts will be met with resistance.

Feeling necessary to a woman is frequently what distinguishes “like” from “love” for a male. And feeling unimportant is a common cause of withdrawal.

Don’t get me wrong: your boyfriend admires your strength and ability to be self-sufficient. But he still wants to feel needed and productive – not insignificant!

This is because men have an innate longing for something “higher” than love or sex. It’s why men who appear to have the “ideal woman” are nevertheless unsatisfied and are continually looking for something else — or, worse, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological need to feel needed, valuable, and capable of providing for the woman they care about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer, bestselling author of His Secret Obsession, refers to this as the hero instinct.

Male wants, according to James, are not complicated; they are simply misinterpreted. Instincts are powerful motivators of human action, and this is especially true when it comes to how men approach their relationships.

As a result, when the hero impulse isn’t triggered, men are less likely to commit to any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a significant financial investment for him. And he won’t really “invest” in you unless you offer him a sense of purpose and make him feel important.

How to repair it or assist him: How do you arouse this instinct in him? How can you instill meaning and purpose in him?

You don’t have to play the “damsel in distress” or pretend to be someone you’re not. You don’t have to compromise your power or independence in any manner.

To be authentic, simply show your partner what you require and allow him to rise up to meet it.

James Bauer presents various options in his new video. He shows you phrases, texts, and small requests that you may use right now to make him feel more important to you.

You may watch his great video here.

By instilling this very natural male drive in him, you will not only provide him with more satisfaction, but you will also help to propel your relationship to the next level.

3) He is putting his identity first.

What you think about it: You’re always doing stuff together, and you’re delighted to share your interests with him.

You introduced him to activities you used to do before he entered your life, and you even tried to find new things to do as a couple.

You also offer yourself to events that are meaningful to him because you want him to know that you value his interests and are open to new experiences.

As his girlfriend, you go to games and even stay the night with his man friends, essentially making your presence known in order to foster an open and supportive relationship.

What he thinks about it: It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you; it’s just that your partner may feel like he’s losing a piece of himself in the relationship.

Males are primarily territorial, and they will risk their lives to protect their mental and physical regions.

Consider it from his perspective: before you entered his life, he had a routine that he followed.

He had his own interests that he enjoyed, as well as pals with whom he could catch up and hang out. If he’s pushing away, it’s because he’s afraid of losing what makes him unique.

Pulling away to preserve his identity isn’t about not enjoying what you’re bringing into his life.

He simply values who he is as a person and wishes to establish healthy limits in the relationship moving forward.

How to cure it or assist him: Give him the opportunity to invite you.

If your boyfriend is an introvert, he probably likes to enjoy things alone, so don’t take it personally.

Otherwise, remember that he’s just getting used to having you in his life and having someone to spend his life with.

You can tell him that spending more time together or doing new things will not affect who you are.

He needs to know that his partner not only appreciates who he is, but also that you have a strong sense of self and are conscious of maintaining your identities in the partnership.

Determine whether the withdrawal is temporary or permanent.

Is it a reaction to anything you did, or is it a slow burn that will lead to something more serious? Some men merely withdraw temporarily to replenish their batteries.

There’s no need to be concerned if you observe him simply pulling away to reconnect with himself.

You may like: the 10 reasons why he stopped sending you morning texts.

4) What advice would a relationship coach give?

While this article addresses the most prevalent reasons why men pull away, it may be beneficial to discuss your problem with a relationship coach.

You can get guidance tailored to your life and experiences by working with a professional relationship coach…

Relationship Hero is a website where highly qualified relationship coaches assist people in navigating challenging and tough love situations, such as being in a relationship with a man who struggles to commit. They’re a popular resource for those facing similar challenges.

How do I know this?

Well, I contacted Relationship Hero a few months ago while I was going through a difficult period in my own relationship. They provided me with a unique insight into the mechanics of my relationship and how to get it back on track after I had been lost in my thoughts for so long.

My coach’s kindness, empathy, and genuine helpfulness astounded me.

In just a few minutes, you may connect with a qualified relationship counselor and receive guidance tailored to your specific circumstance.

To begin, click here.

5) It moved too quickly for him.

How you feel about it: One day you’re texting, the next you’re sleeping for four consecutive weekdays.

In just a few weeks, your connection went from zero to sixty. It’s exhilarating because you finally feel like you’ve discovered a guy that ticks all of your boxes.

Despite the fact that everything is going well, your partner is pulling away from you. It’s as if the rug has been yanked out from under your feet, and you’re not sure where this relationship is going.

How he feels about it: This has nothing to do with you. It’s more likely to do with the speed and intensity with which this relationship developed.

As a guy, he’s hyper-aware of the relationship’s pace since women have certain expectations in a relationship that he may not be ready or willing to meet yet.

Your spouse simply wants to ensure that they are met or that certain lines are not crossed too soon.

Pulling away from you does not imply that your man wishes to end the relationship. If he truly likes his time, he may be concerned that proceeding at this rate before either of you is ready would cause problems in the future.

Hey, maybe we should take things slow,

…he says by pulling away.

Alternatively, he may be backing away because he is not ready to commit too quickly.

This does not mean the game is finished and the relationship is bound to fail. He simply wishes to take a step back and reconsider the relationship.

How to fix it or assist him: Let him know you understand how he feels. Discuss setting limits and what you expect in the future.

You probably haven’t had a clear talk about where this relationship is going, and he’s not sure how to handle your emotions.

By laying your cards on the table, you may both understand how the other person feels about the relationship and decide whether or not it is something you both want.

6) He simply isn’t interested in you.

How you feel about it: The partnership got off to a great start. Butterflies were fluttering, and every minute felt like a scene from a movie.

However, now that the honeymoon period is over, you’ve noticed that your partner is spending less and less time with you.

There are signals that a guy is no longer interested in you.

Less dates, less conversation, and unusual aloofness makes you question your place in the relationship.

You’re beginning to suspect that there was something you could have done better at some point to avoid this happening.

How he feels about it: Men aren’t great at conveying their emotions, which might be detrimental to you.

One of the most typical causes for new relationships failing is that guys realize they aren’t as interested in you as they thought they were.

Instead of telling you how they feel, most men simply back up, expecting you’ll get the message.

Instead of risking hurting your feelings and making you feel inconsequential, they may decide that gradually backing away until you call it quits is the preferable option.

How to solve it or help him: Ask him to be honest with you, and if he continues to play games, consider breaking up with him yourself.

If he’s no longer interested in you and is taking efforts to end the relationship, it’s evident that he’s made up his mind. You’re better off finding someone who values your time and your feelings at this stage.

7) He is emotionally inaccessible.

Men who are emotionally unavailable pull away all the time.

The key is to understand why this is happening and then to know what to do about it.

The truth is that most women have no idea what men are thinking, what they want in life, or what they truly desire from a relationship.

And the rationale is straightforward.

Male and female brains differ biologically. For example, the limbic system is the brain’s emotional processing center, and it is significantly larger in the female brain than in the male.

That is why women are more emotionally aware. And why men sometimes struggle to analyze and comprehend their emotions.

Have you ever been let down by a man who is emotionally unavailable? Rather than him, blame his biology.

You must talk with a man in a way that he will comprehend in order to engage the emotional section of his brain.

Because there are specific things you can say to him to keep him from drifting away from you.

James Bauer, a relationship expert, taught me this. He is regarded as one of the world’s foremost authorities on male psychology and what men seek in relationships.

Learn about James’s life-changing technique for dealing with men who draw away in this amazing free video.

Dr. Bauer explains how to get your guy to commit to a passionate relationship. His methods work surprisingly well on even the most cold-hearted and commitment-phobic men.

Check out this free video if you want science-based strategies to make a man fall in love with you and STAY in love with you.

8) He lacks a strong emotional connection.

Have you ever been with a man who seemed to enjoy you a lot, only to pull away and say he wasn’t ready for a commitment?

I’m sure I have. Several times.

But, as I’ve lately discovered, for a male to desire to be in a committed relationship, something extremely substantial must first occur.

He must feel a strong emotional attraction to you that makes him feel less alive when he is not in your presence.

In other words, he must feel better about himself when he is with you than when he is single—or after another woman.

The truth is that the most common error women make is assuming that men only fall for women who have particular characteristics.

It might be women with a killer body, a lovely smile, or who are firecrackers in bed. Whatever it is, you may believe that these ladies simply possess something that you do not (and perhaps never will).

However, I can tell you right now that this style of thinking is completely incorrect.

When it comes to men falling in love, none of those factors matter. In fact, the woman’s characteristics are unimportant.

What matters most is how he feels about himself while he’s around her, not what he sees when he looks at her.

If your partner is withdrawing, there is something wrong with how he feels about himself when he is with you.

What is the answer?

Continue reading because I’ll disclose a guaranteed (science-backed) method for making your guy feel deep satisfaction and pride anytime he’s with you.

And you’ll realize why he pulls you away while he loves you.

9) The relationship is far too simple.

I hate to say it, but sometimes a guy’s life is just too easy. Doesn’t that seem strange? You should want a connection that is enjoyable, relaxed, and simple. But there’s something lurking beneath the surface that makes things “too simple” appear suspect.

It’s the same as if someone handed you a $100 dollar. You’re going to call it into doubt.

The same is true for your relationship. It’s too wonderful to be true if everything is merely handed to him. Relationships should not be impossible, but they are frequently difficult.

One of the reasons women sometimes make things too easy for men is that they are insecure about their worth.

But there is a way out…

The truth is that most of us ignore a really vital aspect of our lives:

The connection we share with ourselves, how we love ourselves.

10) He notices himself changing.

Men, on the other hand, may feel like they’re getting too deep and may find themselves changing for you. No one wants to feel inadequate, and if they believe they are changing, this is not a good sign.

Men may simply retreat and pull away to stop this feeling. Though it hurts a lot, there isn’t much you can do because it is their decision.

11) You are under stress that you are unaware of.

It is frequently unrelated to you. People become stressed. There is more to his life than you, and he may need to attend to other things as a result.

It does not imply that you are incorrect or that you should have done something different. They frequently only have to get through the stress. Adding a new relationship to the mix will only exacerbate the situation, so they withdraw.

12) He desires independence.

Do you recall what it felt like to be alone?

Don’t you cherish your freedom? Many individuals believe that being in a relationship entails giving up your independence.

That is certainly not the case. But it does feel like way at times. It can be suffocating to be in a new relationship.

He can feel as if he’s losing his independence. This is endangering his masculinity, so he walks away from the connection entirely.

It doesn’t mean that what he’s doing is correct, but he’s doing it in the hope that things will improve for him.

13) He is afraid of commitment.

Mmm, the same old story…

Men are apprehensive about commitment until they aren’t. They might go through a hundred girls before they discover one they like and aren’t too terrified of.

It’s not so much that they’re afraid of commitment as they are of commitment with you.

When you meet someone you’re meant to be with, they won’t be afraid of commitment.

As a result, when he is afraid of commitment, he tries to leave without hurting you. Unfortunately, many people believe that ghosting or fading away is the greatest way to end a relationship.

14) He is overcome by his emotions.

There are various reasons why men pull away from their ideal woman.

Look, not all of the reasons that men provide for leaving are completely sensible. Maybe he likes you a lot!

As a result, he may become entirely overwhelmed by his emotions. Feelings are stressful, and when combined with everything else that life requires, it can be a little insane.

His emotions may frighten him, and they may come on too fast. Sometimes what appears to be fading away is simply slowing down. There’s nothing wrong with taking a step back and pressing the pause button in a relationship.

That is sometimes exactly what is required for someone to feel better about their situation. If you put pressure on them when they take a step back, they’ll interpret it as a sign to truly fade away.

15) He believes he is not doing his “job.”

What does he actually desire from you in terms of sex and intimacy?

Men do not always seek a lady who is a firebrand in bed. Or one with a broad chest and a flat stomach.

Instead, he wants his abilities to be recognized. To feel like he’s performing his’manly’ job.

Nothing speaks more to a man’s manhood than pleasing the lady he loves. Men are hardwired to want to please women both in and out of the bedroom.

And it’s natural for a male to withdraw when he doesn’t feel like he’s fulfilling her in this way.

We’ve all unintentionally turned our lovers away because we’re tired, have a headache, or simply aren’t in the mood. However, a man does not need a lot of sex to feel good about himself.

Because certain things you can do for him will feed his very natural male ego.

Other reasons he may be pulling away

He leaves before he gets hurt

There are times when you send out signals that things aren’t going well. Often, before getting hurt, men jump ship when that happens.

No one wants another person breaking their heart, so if they think it’s going to happen, it’s better just to leave.

It’s not uncommon for men to pull away and leave rather than break up, even if there’s love between them.

Too many things are happening at once

Do you remember the month when everything went wrong in your life? You might have been busy at work, had problems with your family, gotten sick, or had money problems.

The people you’d been on a few dates with were the last thing on your mind. Things are frantic. Life can be wild!

So perhaps it isn’t about you after all. Perhaps he simply doesn’t know what he wants.

Or maybe they’re deep in something they’d like not be in. And it’s entirely possible that they’re pulling away because they’re not thinking about dating at all.

They’re just trying to get by.

He’s got something else in mind.

It’s possible he’s interested in you, but he believes his other options are better. With all of the dating apps available nowadays, many people are dating. People date multiple people at the same time.

Maybe you’re just not at the top of his priority list. As much as that stinks, you deserve someone who will prioritize you. Finding someone else can be a dream come true if this guy isn’t doing it.

What should be done? Here are the 5 measures to take.

As a result, a man is distancing away from you.

You’re at a loss for what to do.

Should you keep the relationship? Attempt to pursue him?

Everything hinges on why he’s pulling away in the first place. You can pursue a man for the rest of your life, but if he’s not that into you, you won’t get anywhere.

On the other hand, what if he likes you but is afraid to commit for some reason and you ignore him?

The relationship will undoubtedly come to an end.

Before you react in any way, try these five steps:

1) Activate this one instinct in him.

If a man is pulling away from you, then you need to make him feel that being with you is better than the alternative.

And the most effective way to accomplish this is to arouse something deep within him. He desires something more than love or sex.

What exactly is it?

For a man to truly desire a committed relationship, he must feel like your provider and protector.

Someone who is very important to you.

To put it another way, he needs to feel like your hero.

What I’m referring to here has a psychological term. It’s called the hero instinct. This idea was mentioned earlier in the article.

I know it sounds ridiculous. Women do not need to be rescued in this day and age. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men still need to be heroes. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide for and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

If you can make your guy feel like a hero, it unleashes his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction towards you.

If your guy is pulling away from you, perhaps you treat him more as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

For a long time Sons Of Universe writer Claire Delli Santi made this mistake too. You can read her story here.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.

But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

To learn how to ignite the hero instinct in your guy, check out this free video by James Bauer. He’s the relationship psychologist who found this inclination in men.

Some ideas are life-changing. And when it comes to relationships, I think this is one of them.

Here’s another link to his video.

2) Go backwards in time.

We have a tendency to overanalyze and overreact in new interactions. It’s very normal, and it’s because we don’t know the individual as well as we do later in a relationship.

The first thing you should consider is whether or not the guy is truly pulling away. Retrace your steps and recall the last time you saw them or spoke with them.

Was it perfectly normal?

If that’s the case, he’s probably just busy.

But, if the conversation was simply different, why did it feel strange?

You should investigate why you believe he is withdrawing. Were his messages brief and direct? Did he fail to respond?

Did it happen only once? Or is this something that has happened before?

Knowing how serious the situation is will help you decide how to proceed.

3) Simply ask him.

Many of us despise conflict. That is most likely why you are reading this right now. But here’s the catch…

You must inquire of him. Pretending that everything is fine will not end well. Blowing up at him and accusing him of not talking to you is also not going to end well.

Most men “ghost” or pull away because they don’t want to hurt you. They don’t realize that doing this is actually more hurtful.

There’s nothing stopping you from asking him what’s going on. Approach him in a civil and calm manner. Keep it simple without pressure.

You don’t want them to get frustrated or defensive. A lot of times, if you ask the person what’s going on, they’ll tell you.

Plus, keeping it casual helps to open the conversation as to why he’s pulling away. Is it because he likes you too much or not at all?

But, be prepared for a hard conversation. More often than not, someone is pulling away because they’re no longer interested in the relationship. So, you need to go into the convo knowing that things may end completely between you and them.

4) Give him reassurance

If the truth is that he is afraid of commitment or that things are moving too quickly, reassure him. It’s fine to walk apart from the connection.

Tell him you like him and that you understand why he feels the way he does. Talk to him about it if he’s afraid of commitment. You never know where it will take you!

5) Embrace it

This is possibly the most difficult aspect of watching someone go away. It signifies they’re not interested, the relationship won’t work, and you’ve been hurt.

Only one thing you can do is accept it.

When you ask them why they’re pushing away, they usually say they’re not interested.

Sometimes you’ll talk to them and get no response. You’ve been ghosted yet again.

In any case, you must accept it. There is nothing you can do to change the outcome, and you will have to accept it.

Here’s how to cope with someone who has lost interest in you.

Take a few time to reflect on the relationship before you go out and rebound with someone else. Then try one of the following:

Consume your preferred snacks.
See some good movies.
Reflect and meditate
Take the time you require.
Examine all of your feelings.
Discuss it with someone else.

The psychology of why men pull away

If you’ve done everything and your boyfriend is still avoiding you, it’s probably because his concerns of commitment are so deep in his subconscious that even he isn’t aware of them.

And, regrettably, nothing you do will make him see you as “the one” unless you can get inside his head and grasp how the male psychology works.

This is where we step in.

We’ve prepared the ultimate free quiz based on Sigmund Freud’s groundbreaking theories, so you can finally figure out what’s holding your boyfriend back.

No more attempting to be the ideal woman. No more sleepless nights wondering how to mend the relationship.

With just a few questions, you’ll know why he’s pulling away and, more significantly, what you can do to keep him.

Take our fantastic new quiz here.

7 Action Steps to Stop Men From Pulling Away

1) Speak with him. Don’t presume you understand what he’s thinking. Consider the indications, but don’t make the mistake of mistaking them for the message.

2) Make an effort to comprehend even if it does not make sense to you. Remember that your brain and his brain are not wired the same way.

3) Speak up if you believe you are making too many adjustments for him. You should also prioritize your personal happiness.

4) Examine your own feelings about withdrawing. Some men withdraw as a kind of self-preservation or reflection. It is not always a negative thing.

5) Avoid putting too much pressure on him. Allow him time to process his emotions without making him responsible for your happiness.

6) Inform him that you’re there to speak with him. Some guys are unclear how to communicate with their spouses because they are afraid you may misinterpret anything, so they simply stop communicating.

7) Be his guide. If he’s new to commitments, assist him by driving the dialogues forward and initiating chats yourself.

What are your options now?

Keep in mind that just because your man is pulling away doesn’t indicate the relationship is finished. Don’t assume the relationship is over.

But if your partner is pulling away, don’t make this one enormous mistake.

Get inside his thoughts and figure out what he’s thinking.

What does he think of you while he’s around you? Are you eliciting the kinds of sentiments that men require in a serious, long-term relationship?

I understand how difficult it may be to get a guy to open up and tell you what he’s thinking. But I’ve now discovered a new approach to assist you understand what motivates him in your relationship…

James Bauer is regarded as one of the world’s foremost relationship experts.

In his great new video, relationship guru James Bauer unveils a new notion that explains what truly motivates men romantically. He refers to it as the hero instinct.

This notion was discussed previously.

To put it simply, men want to be your hero. He may not be an action hero like Thor, but he does want to step up for the women in his life and be recognized for his efforts.

The hero instinct is possibly relationship psychology’s best-kept secret. And I believe it is the key to ensuring that your man fully commits to your relationship and never pulls away.

The free video can be viewed here.

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