Manipulation is a toxic element that has no place in a healthy relationship.
However, it’s a sad reality that it happens all too often.
The worst part is that victims of this behavior are often unaware of what to look out for, making them vulnerable and easy to control.
That’s why it’s crucial to identify the 13 tactics manipulative people use in relationships and learn how to spot them.
By knowing what to look for, you can protect yourself and your relationship from the harmful effects of manipulation.
If you’re curious about the nature of your relationship, check out our article about the different types of relationships and how to deal with them.
1. The Practice of Gaslighting
Have you ever experienced gaslighting?
It’s a manipulative tactic where someone makes you doubt your memories, feelings, or experiences.
Imagine confronting your partner about a hurtful comment they made in front of friends, only for them to deny it ever happened!
To make things worse, they might say things like “You’re overreacting” or “You must have misunderstood.”
This tactic allows manipulative people to stay in control and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
But for the victim, it can be a confusing and helpless experience, making them question their memories and feelings.
It’s important to recognize gaslighting and stand up for yourself.
2. The Tactic of Love Bombing
Have you ever been in a relationship that went from 0-100 in just a few weeks?
You’re still getting to know someone, and they’re already talking about love and commitment.
This is a classic case of love bombing.
It’s when someone showers you with affection at the start of a relationship, only to use it as a form of control as the relationship progresses.
It’s a huge red flag that you should be aware of.
Trust your gut instinct – if someone is moving too fast, it’s usually not for a good reason.
Take your time and make sure you’re comfortable with the pace of the relationship.
3. The Guilt Trip
Have you ever experienced guilt-tripping in a relationship?
It’s another tactic used by manipulative people.
Guilt is a potent weapon because it makes the victim feel bad while allowing the manipulator to get away with bad behavior.
For instance, your partner had a bad day at work and takes it out on you because dinner is five minutes late.
This shows a lack of emotional maturity on their part and unrealistic expectations.
If you stay in this situation long enough, you’ll start to feel like you can’t do anything right.
It’s important to recognize guilt-tripping and set boundaries to protect yourself.
4. Bringing in a Third Person
Have you ever heard of triangulation in a relationship?
It’s when a manipulator brings in a third person to stir up trouble.
For instance, your partner might mention that they overheard your best friend talking about you behind your back.
They might even encourage you to give your friend the cold shoulder instead of addressing the issue maturely.
The reason for this tactic is to isolate you from your support group.
Manipulators do this to gain control over you or because of jealousy and insecurity.
It’s important to recognize triangulation and not let manipulators come between you and your support system.
You think about him all the time, but he thinks only about himself?
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
He needs to be understood in his own way.
You’ll find there’s a subtle thing you can say to him that will dramatically change how he shows his emotions towards you once you do that.
Learn how to become his top priority in this free video by Relationship Psychologist James Bauer.
5. The Isolation Tactic
Isolation is a manipulative tactic used to make you more dependent on your partner and cut you off from your support network.
Manipulators will try to convince you that your friends and family are a bad influence or that they don’t understand your relationship.
They may turn you against your loved ones, making you feel like they’re the enemy.
The goal is to make you feel like you have nowhere else to turn, leaving you vulnerable and more likely to do what the manipulator wants.
It’s important to be aware of this tactic and set boundaries to protect yourself.
Keep in touch with your friends and family, and make time for activities outside of your relationship.
If your partner tries to control your time or who you spend it with, it’s a red flag that they may be trying to manipulate you.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual support, not isolation and control.
6. The Victim Role
We’re talking about another manipulative tactic that’s easy to spot.
When someone constantly plays the victim, it’s usually to gain sympathy and control over their partner.
It’s also a way to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
If every argument ends with you being in the wrong, then something isn’t right.
Accountability is essential in a relationship.
Without it, there’s no room for growth, and the relationship can become stagnant.
It’s crucial to recognize this tactic and have open communication with your partner to avoid falling into this trap.
You may like: SonsOfUniverse VS Herway: Which One is Right for Your Relationship Needs?
7. The Passive-Aggressive Game
Passive-aggressive behavior is something that many of us have experienced in a relationship.
It’s when a manipulator uses tactics to show their dissatisfaction or unhappiness.
Some examples of this behavior include giving you the cold shoulder instead of talking about an issue, making snarky or sarcastic comments, or even retaliating by breaking something of yours after a fight.
It’s important to recognize these behaviors and confront them head-on.
It could be a learned behavior, and your partner may not realize how damaging it is.
However, if they’re a serious manipulator, there may be little you can do to change them.
In that case, it’s best to protect yourself and set boundaries to avoid being a victim of their manipulative behavior.
Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and respectful relationship.
8. The Love Proof
Have you ever heard the classic phrase, “If you really loved me…” in a relationship?
It’s a common tactic used by manipulative people to pressure their partner into proving their love by meeting their demands.
For example, they might say, “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t react this way” or “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t go out with that friend I don’t like.”
This tactic is an easy way to guilt-trip you into doing whatever they want and plays on your emotions.
If you feel like you always have to prove your love, it’s a sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship, and you could be dating a manipulator.
Remember, love should never be used as a weapon or a form of control.
9. The Control Pressure
We’ve discussed various forms of control that manipulators use, but controlling behavior is one of the most telling tactics.
A manipulator might try to control who you see, where you go, and what you do.
They may even try to control what you eat or how you spend your money.
Control can extend to every aspect of your life, including your opinions and needs.
While boundaries can help, a controlling person is ultimately out for their own gain.
If you feel like you’re being restricted from doing things you want to do or seeing your loved ones, it’s a major red flag to watch out for.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual support, not control.
10. The Rollercoaster Tactic
Intermittent reinforcement is a term you might not be familiar with, but you may recognize it in action.
It’s a tactic used by manipulators to give you praise, affection, and attention, but only enough to keep you wanting more.
They’ll often withdraw and act cold and distant, making you seek their approval and love.
This sends you on an emotional rollercoaster because you never know where you stand with them.
Manipulators use this tactic to keep you at their beck and call.
They know that you’ll crave their attention when they withhold it, so they use it to manipulate you.
This tactic ties in with other forms of manipulation, such as control and guilt-tripping.
It’s important to recognize this behavior and set boundaries to protect yourself.
You may like: Do I Need a Relationship Coach? 10 Reasons You May Need One (And Why You May Not)
11. Manipulative Apologies
Manipulative apologies are a tactic used by manipulators to manipulate you into forgiving them or doing what they want.
They may say sorry, but only to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or to deflect blame onto you.
Manipulators will often use phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry, but you made me do it.”
These apologies are not sincere and are meant to keep you under their control.
It’s important to recognize these manipulative apologies and set boundaries to protect yourself.
Don’t let your partner make you feel guilty or responsible for their actions.
A genuine apology involves taking responsibility, expressing remorse, and making changes to prevent the same behavior from happening again.
If your partner is not willing to do this, it’s a sign that they may be manipulating you.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual support, not manipulative apologies.
12. Ongoing Critics
Criticizing your partner continuously is an easy way to ruin your self-esteem and put you down.
Unfortunately, it’s also a commonly used tactic by manipulative people.
The goal is to wear you down to the point where you have no confidence left, making you vulnerable and in a perfect position for them to take control.
Even in healthy relationships, people may criticize each other, but it doesn’t happen on a daily basis, and the intention to destroy their partner’s self-worth isn’t there.
If you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly being put down, it’s important to be cautious and ask yourself why your partner is with you if they think you’re so flawed.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and support, not constant criticism and negativity.
If you feel like your self-esteem is being affected, it’s important to seek help and support from trusted friends and family or a professional therapist.
13. The Threats and Ultimatums Tactic
Threats and ultimatums are another telltale sign of manipulation in a relationship.
For example, “If you don’t do this, we’re over” or “Who’s it gonna be, me or your family?”
In a healthy relationship, we don’t resort to threats of breaking up every time we argue with our partners.
Nor do we make our partners choose between us and other loved ones. Instead, we work through issues and find a compromise.
However, manipulators don’t know the word compromise.
They want things to go their way every time, and they aren’t afraid to use threats or force you to choose between them and other people to get there.
It’s important to recognize these tactics and set boundaries to protect yourself.
Remember, manipulators can only get away with this behavior if we allow them to.
So, it’s essential to speak up and seek help if you’re in a manipulative relationship.
Don’t suffer in silence.
You may like: Relationships & Incompatibility: 10 Clear Signs Your Partner Is Not The One
Can We Help? Speak To An Online Therapist Now
For immediate assistance, contact a specialized therapist to learn more about your situation and receive empathetic support.
Because of the lower cost, better convenience, and flexible scheduling methods, more people are turning to virtual therapy platforms like BetterHelp to seek treatment for mental heal concerns.
Via the site, you may make your own schedule and pick between phone, video, and live chat sessions.
In addition to the advantages of online counseling, you may find it to be more beneficial than in-person counseling.
According to one study, 71% of participants favored internet-based therapy approaches over traditional ones, and some reported improved quality of life and symptom reduction.
You may also like:
Cracking Your Partner’s Love Language: 8 Things Most Couples Ignore (And Steps to Succeed)
